Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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