It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
