Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
