i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
