Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
