i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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