Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
