Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
