my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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