My friends, they love my intelligence
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
