you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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