He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
