I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
