Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
