OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
