i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
40s are totally the cure
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
