if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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