So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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