ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
