But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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