now i know why i became what i already was.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
