i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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