I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
