yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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