I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we're so committed to being not committed
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