im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
