he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
