I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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