Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I need a burrito and a hug.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
