He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
