I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
