He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
