If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
