The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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