he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
