Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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