YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
