I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's shark week go big or go home
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
