just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
