Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
