i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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