Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
FUCK WHALES
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