ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
