if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
