Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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