Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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