As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
