if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
