420 ftw
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
