If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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