Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
